1
00:00:01,719 --> 00:00:03,585
?

2
00:00:03,621 --> 00:00:06,021
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?

3
00:00:06,057 --> 00:00:09,758
? I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day ?

4
00:00:09,794 --> 00:00:12,795
? The sun in the sky
has a smile on his face ?

5
00:00:12,830 --> 00:00:17,032
? And he's shinin' a salute
to the American race ?

6
00:00:18,969 --> 00:00:22,271
? Oh, boy, it's swell to say ?

7
00:00:22,306 --> 00:00:24,673
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?

8
00:00:24,709 --> 00:00:25,759
Aah!

9
00:00:26,977 --> 00:00:30,245
? Good morning, U.S.A. ?

10
00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:32,681
[ Down-tempo music plays ]

11
00:00:32,717 --> 00:00:35,584
And to conclude this tour
of my wine yard,

12
00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:37,186
a brief toast.

13
00:00:39,090 --> 00:00:41,590
To the lowly grape,
a simple berry for peasants

14
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,525
named by the Romans,
of course,

15
00:00:43,561 --> 00:00:47,196
after Hanna-Barbera's
childish oaf, Grape Ape.

16
00:00:47,231 --> 00:00:51,200
Believe it or not, I was once
like the lowly grape myself -

17
00:00:51,235 --> 00:00:54,336
young, naive, full of juice.

18
00:00:54,371 --> 00:00:58,574
Until that special summer
I learned to make wine.

19
00:00:58,609 --> 00:01:02,044
I was at that age when summer
means one thing -

20
00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:04,646
playin' in the woods!
[ Harp plays ]

21
00:01:04,682 --> 00:01:07,049
I'm gonna go play
in the woods, babe!

22
00:01:07,084 --> 00:01:10,285
I'll do my chores later!
What? You don't do chores!

23
00:01:10,321 --> 00:01:12,554
Old Jeff:
The fastest way to the woods

24
00:01:12,590 --> 00:01:14,456
was through Mr. Tuttle's
backyard.

25
00:01:14,492 --> 00:01:16,291
Careful, Jeffrey!

26
00:01:16,327 --> 00:01:19,461
I love my lawn and consider her
to be my beautiful green wife!

27
00:01:19,497 --> 00:01:22,564
Hose water's
good and rusty today!

28
00:01:22,600 --> 00:01:25,067
[ Music builds, slows ]
[ Birds chirping ]

29
00:01:25,102 --> 00:01:27,369
In the woods,
I could do anything.

30
00:01:27,404 --> 00:01:29,471
Like find a really cool stick!

31
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:32,141
And use it to whack trees!

32
00:01:32,176 --> 00:01:34,810
I could even throw it
like a boomerang.

33
00:01:34,845 --> 00:01:36,745
[ Grunts ]

34
00:01:36,781 --> 00:01:41,116
And, of course, there was
other stuff to do in the woods.

35
00:01:41,152 --> 00:01:43,418
This is gonna be good.

36
00:01:43,454 --> 00:01:45,721
Worms!

37
00:01:45,756 --> 00:01:47,990
Oh, Mama!

38
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,558
Don't mind me.

39
00:01:49,593 --> 00:01:52,094
Just converting this old shack
into a bang shed.

40
00:01:52,129 --> 00:01:55,430
It's like a gummy worm
on steroids!

41
00:01:55,466 --> 00:01:57,032
Great question, Jeff.

42
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,702
A bang shed is a small,
filthy, abandoned structure

43
00:01:59,703 --> 00:02:02,671
famously used as a place
to have hot sex in the woods.

44
00:02:02,672 --> 00:02:04,207
I strategically
placed this

45
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,208
to rile you up
for a roll in the shed.

46
00:02:06,243 --> 00:02:07,993
Not with me.
I'm just the caretaker.

47
00:02:08,012 --> 00:02:09,478
But it would mean a lot
to me

48
00:02:09,479 --> 00:02:11,915
if you'd fornicate
on this pee-soaked mattress.

49
00:02:11,916 --> 00:02:13,382
It's my pee.

50
00:02:13,383 --> 00:02:15,251
[ Boar grunting, squealing ]
[ Screams ]

51
00:02:15,252 --> 00:02:18,720
Babe, I saw the monster in
the woods again, and it was -

52
00:02:18,756 --> 00:02:20,289
Why are you all
dressed up?

53
00:02:20,290 --> 00:02:22,392
We're going to a steak house
for Dad's half-birthday.

54
00:02:22,393 --> 00:02:25,661
I...must've forgotten
to tell you. Can I come?

55
00:02:25,696 --> 00:02:27,529
Ohh.
I don't know, babe.

56
00:02:27,565 --> 00:02:30,933
You have sap on your hands.
You smell like worms.

57
00:02:30,934 --> 00:02:32,836
Wouldn't you be happier
staying home

58
00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:34,437
and watching "Oliver and Company"
with Rogu?

59
00:02:34,438 --> 00:02:35,838
Dog.
A dog!

60
00:02:35,873 --> 00:02:38,740
Billy Joel shines
in role.

61
00:02:38,776 --> 00:02:41,510
I'll stay here.
Have fun, babe!

62
00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:46,548
You took that well, Jeff.
Took what well?

63
00:02:46,584 --> 00:02:48,650
Hayley obviously
didn't want you to go.

64
00:02:48,686 --> 00:02:50,385
She thinks of you as a boy.

65
00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:52,721
No duh.
She's seen my penis.

66
00:02:52,756 --> 00:02:54,590
No. A little boy.

67
00:02:54,625 --> 00:02:56,425
Isn't it possible
she likes me

68
00:02:56,460 --> 00:02:58,493
 despite my many quirks
and faults?

69
00:02:58,529 --> 00:03:01,196
No. Wifeys want their hubbies
to be mature, adult men.

70
00:03:01,232 --> 00:03:02,798
Or fish.

71
00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:06,435
If you don't grow up soon,
she'll divorce you - or worse.

72
00:03:06,470 --> 00:03:08,670
What's worse
than the big D?

73
00:03:08,706 --> 00:03:12,574
The twisted C -
getting cuckolded.

74
00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:14,540
That's when you're
such a little boy,

75
00:03:14,545 --> 00:03:17,846
your wife goes out
and bonks some other dude.

76
00:03:17,882 --> 00:03:20,582
That's not appropriate
for me to hear, Mr. Klaus.

77
00:03:20,618 --> 00:03:23,085
What's not appropriate
is lying in the hall

78
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,954
while Hayley's headboard goes
bonk, bonk, bonk.

79
00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:28,290
Before long,
"Tell-Tale Heart"-style

80
00:03:28,325 --> 00:03:31,593
phantom bonks
will drive you up the wall!

81
00:03:31,629 --> 00:03:33,862
I don't want any of that!
Then be a man.

82
00:03:33,898 --> 00:03:37,299
Or else it's...What's that
I hear under the floorboards?

83
00:03:37,334 --> 00:03:39,935
The ghost
of a brutal cuckolding?

84
00:03:39,970 --> 00:03:43,338
Bonk. Bonk. Bonk.
Bonk!

85
00:03:43,374 --> 00:03:45,140
I'll show you I'm a man.

86
00:03:45,175 --> 00:03:47,309
I'll run away crying...
[ Sobs ]

87
00:03:47,344 --> 00:03:49,611
...and never come back
forever!

88
00:03:49,647 --> 00:03:51,847
[ Sobs ]
Never!

89
00:03:51,882 --> 00:03:54,116
[ Sobs ]
Ever!

90
00:03:54,151 --> 00:03:57,953
[ Thunder crashing ]
[ Dramatic music plays ]

91
00:03:57,988 --> 00:04:00,489
[ Sobbing ]

92
00:04:00,524 --> 00:04:02,124
[ Growls ]
[ Screams ]

93
00:04:02,159 --> 00:04:03,992
[ Screams ]

94
00:04:04,028 --> 00:04:06,762
Stop coming alive, you trees.

95
00:04:06,797 --> 00:04:08,427
[ Snarling ]
[ Thunder crashes ]

96
00:04:08,432 --> 00:04:10,832
The monster.
I got to hide!

97
00:04:10,868 --> 00:04:13,635
[ Music builds, slows ]

98
00:04:13,671 --> 00:04:17,606
Dear Mr. God,
please help me become a man.

99
00:04:17,641 --> 00:04:19,574
[ Thunder crashes ]

100
00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:21,677
Get lost, you bum!

101
00:04:21,678 --> 00:04:23,980
This shed is only
for dirty woodland humping.

102
00:04:23,981 --> 00:04:25,547
No solo play.

103
00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:28,417
[ Birds chirping,
kettle whistling ]

104
00:04:28,452 --> 00:04:30,085
What's that sound?

105
00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,120
[ Whistling continues ]

106
00:04:33,657 --> 00:04:37,292
Someone forgot to turn off
their Cuppa Noodles machine.

107
00:04:37,328 --> 00:04:39,661
Hello? Hello?

108
00:04:39,697 --> 00:04:43,398
I'm gonna break in!
Please don't shoot me too much.

109
00:04:43,434 --> 00:04:46,668
Man: [ Italian accent ]
Help me! Help-a me!

110
00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:50,272
Don't worry!
An intruder's coming!

111
00:04:50,307 --> 00:04:52,708
[ Man groaning ]

112
00:04:52,743 --> 00:04:56,578
Oh, God! The toilet's gone mad!
It's eating him alive!

113
00:04:56,613 --> 00:05:00,148
I slipped a-getting out of the
tub and a-got wedged back here.

114
00:05:00,184 --> 00:05:02,718
Help-a me!
I'm going to yank you out.

115
00:05:02,753 --> 00:05:04,419
You're so old.

116
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:07,090
I hope you don't pull apart
like roast chicken, mister.

117
00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:08,991
[ Both grunting ]

118
00:05:09,026 --> 00:05:11,426
Please, call-a me Bing.

119
00:05:11,462 --> 00:05:13,996
You look amazing,
Mr. Bing!

120
00:05:14,031 --> 00:05:16,765
Way better
than you did naked.

121
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:18,567
Name's-a just Bing.

122
00:05:18,602 --> 00:05:20,836
Like-a the cherry.
Like-a the Crosby.

123
00:05:20,871 --> 00:05:22,337
And thank-a you.

124
00:05:22,373 --> 00:05:25,640
Even at home, a man
should-a dress to impress.

125
00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,577
Do you have any juice?
No.

126
00:05:28,612 --> 00:05:31,213
A man has tea
to calm-a the nerves.

127
00:05:31,248 --> 00:05:32,814
Drink.

128
00:05:32,850 --> 00:05:36,785
Jeffrey, I'm a hermit.
Do you know what that means?

129
00:05:36,820 --> 00:05:38,920
Of course.
You're a crab.

130
00:05:38,956 --> 00:05:42,457
It means I don't go out.
I don't have friends.

131
00:05:42,493 --> 00:05:44,359
If you hadn't
a-found me,

132
00:05:44,395 --> 00:05:47,129
I'd have died
on the bathroom floor.

133
00:05:47,164 --> 00:05:49,297
Every crab's nightmare.

134
00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:51,900
Hey. How did you hear
my kettle anyway?

135
00:05:51,935 --> 00:05:55,637
I was out in the woods...
where I like to play.

136
00:05:55,672 --> 00:05:57,439
Playin' in the woods-a.

137
00:05:57,474 --> 00:06:01,343
I haven't a-played in-a
the woods since I was a boy.

138
00:06:01,378 --> 00:06:03,145
And even then,
I didn't.

139
00:06:03,180 --> 00:06:05,914
I know.
I'm like a little boy!

140
00:06:05,949 --> 00:06:09,117
You're not a-like a boy.
You are a boy.

141
00:06:09,153 --> 00:06:12,621
A golden halo of innocence
surrounds you.

142
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,357
[ Growling in distance ]
The monster!

143
00:06:14,358 --> 00:06:16,691
Ha.
Like a-Frankenstein?

144
00:06:16,727 --> 00:06:20,062
Is that what-a you fear?
Oh, Jeffrey.

145
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:24,166
Frankenstein hasn't a-been
a-seen in these woods for years.

146
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:26,068
Come-a with me.

147
00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:29,838
[ Boar sniffing ]
Your monster is a-just a wild boar.

148
00:06:29,873 --> 00:06:32,240
Oh!
It's just the monster

149
00:06:32,276 --> 00:06:35,043
from the Boar's Head
deli-meat packages!

150
00:06:35,079 --> 00:06:38,280
And a-look.
He's a-found wild grapes.

151
00:06:38,315 --> 00:06:40,682
Get! You big galoot!
[ Boar squealing ]

152
00:06:41,885 --> 00:06:43,819
We could make wine
with these.

153
00:06:43,854 --> 00:06:46,922
Mr. Bing, you look good,
you smell good,

154
00:06:46,957 --> 00:06:48,523
you know about wine!

155
00:06:48,559 --> 00:06:50,692
Please make me into a man
like you!

156
00:06:50,727 --> 00:06:53,395
Becoming a man
takes-a time.

157
00:06:53,430 --> 00:06:54,996
How much time?
Are we done?

158
00:06:55,032 --> 00:06:57,199
I'll a-teach a-you
what I know.

159
00:06:57,234 --> 00:06:59,034
But it's a shame
in a way.

160
00:06:59,069 --> 00:07:04,039
Because in-a becoming a man,
you will lose your innocence.

161
00:07:04,074 --> 00:07:07,042
I know I did.
[ Down-tempo music plays ]

162
00:07:07,077 --> 00:07:09,711
One last worm
before I'm a man.

163
00:07:09,746 --> 00:07:13,081
This one's name
is Worm-O! [ Harp plays ]

164
00:07:13,117 --> 00:07:16,084
Thus began my lessons
with Bing.

165
00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:17,986
And what became
of Worm-O?

166
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:22,090
Well, just a few minutes later,
I flung him high into the air.

167
00:07:24,178 --> 00:07:25,911
Now can we drink?
No.

168
00:07:25,946 --> 00:07:28,547
Bing had agreed to teach me
how to be a man.

169
00:07:28,582 --> 00:07:33,351
And as it turns out, aging a boy
is a lot like aging a wine.

170
00:07:33,387 --> 00:07:35,787
[ Harp plays ]
Bing: First a-rule -

171
00:07:35,823 --> 00:07:38,990
Aging a boy is a-nothing
like-a aging a wine.

172
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:42,427
Second rule -
Men take-a baths.

173
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:46,932
Life is a battle, and a-smelling
good is your greatest weapon.

174
00:07:46,967 --> 00:07:50,202
That's why they're called
bath a-bombs! Aah!

175
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:53,872
When I was a-young, I'd-a paint
my whole body purple,

176
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,607
privates included.

177
00:07:55,642 --> 00:08:00,178
Then I'd-a hide in-a the grapes
so the women would stomp on me,

178
00:08:00,214 --> 00:08:01,913
privates included.

179
00:08:01,949 --> 00:08:03,782
I don't want to hear
about this.

180
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,952
Okay. Okay.
A man a-needs boundaries.

181
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,854
Speaking of boundaries,

182
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:11,723
I ask-a you not to enter
this room.

183
00:08:11,758 --> 00:08:16,094
It's full of memories
from-a my...old life.

184
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:19,030
Oh! In your old life,
were you a crooner?

185
00:08:19,031 --> 00:08:20,766
You think-a all Bings
are crooners?

186
00:08:20,767 --> 00:08:22,167
Come on.

187
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:25,270
Just a-stop trying to go
in-a my secret room, okay?

188
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,205
Wha-
I didn't even know about it!

189
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,773
Fine.
I forgive you.

190
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,443
Just a-don't let me
catch you again.

191
00:08:31,478 --> 00:08:33,912
?

192
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,781
Things look good.
The mattress is utterly FUBAR.

193
00:08:36,817 --> 00:08:40,218
The shed is ready for sex.
Raccoons?!

194
00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:42,087
Ah. One's going for
the Playboys.

195
00:08:42,122 --> 00:08:43,188
Here we go!

196
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,595
[ Down-tempo music plays ]

197
00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:53,565
This a-style is called
sprezzatura.

198
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,301
It-a means
"effortless grace."

199
00:08:56,336 --> 00:08:59,004
In loafers,
a man can't help but walk

200
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:02,173
with a certain...
nonchalance.

201
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:07,178
Try it.
Nonchalant with-a me, baby.

202
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:10,248
[ Up-tempo introduction plays ]

203
00:09:10,284 --> 00:09:11,883
? He's a boy,
he's a boy ?

204
00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,551
? He's a beautiful-a
boy ?

205
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:17,322
? But he wears loafers
like a man ?

206
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,825
? I'm a boy, I'm a boy,
but I'm coming of age ?

207
00:09:20,861 --> 00:09:22,594
? Hey, watch out
for that space ?

208
00:09:22,629 --> 00:09:24,596
? And watch out
for this room ?

209
00:09:24,631 --> 00:09:26,932
? Don't you go
in this place ?

210
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,968
I wasn't trying to!
Good! A-keep it that way.

211
00:09:30,003 --> 00:09:33,738
? He's a boy, he's a boy,
he's a beautiful boy ?

212
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:36,107
? One day he'll be
a beautiful man ?

213
00:09:36,143 --> 00:09:37,575
[ Music ends ]

214
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,611
That was a great song,

215
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:42,814
but I somehow have sap
on my hands again.

216
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:45,917
One word -
extravirginoliveoil!

217
00:09:48,388 --> 00:09:51,623
My hands are so clean, they
look like a picture of hands.

218
00:09:51,658 --> 00:09:53,058
What is this stuff?

219
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,693
You never heard of
olive oil?

220
00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:56,995
What's a boy eat?
Little nuggets?

221
00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:58,964
I eat whatever
babe makes me.

222
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:02,033
Another rule -
A man serves others.

223
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:04,070
And there's-a nothing
better to serve-a

224
00:10:04,071 --> 00:10:06,171
than a simple
tomato sandwich.

225
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,174
Good tomato, good oil,
and-a good salt.

226
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,642
Sea salt.

227
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:13,611
I only use Eastern Caspian
sea salt.

228
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:16,448
If you try to use
Western Caspian sea salt,

229
00:10:16,483 --> 00:10:19,484
well, it's-a just not
Eastern.

230
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,188
I think I'm a man,
Mr. Bing.

231
00:10:23,223 --> 00:10:26,958
I just hammered a cork into
a bunghole without laughing.

232
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:28,893
[ Laughing ]
 That much.

233
00:10:28,929 --> 00:10:30,562
You're not a man yet.

234
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:33,365
But maybe it is time
for you to go.

235
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,633
Especially since I just got
an Amber Alert

236
00:10:35,669 --> 00:10:37,736
that-a matches
your description.

237
00:10:37,771 --> 00:10:40,672
You haven't been checking in
with a-nobody?

238
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,309
Jeff!
Where have you been?!

239
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:47,212
I've been making for you,
with sap-free hands,

240
00:10:47,247 --> 00:10:49,948
a simple
tomato sandwich.

241
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:55,053
How did you do that?
Are you wearing Heelys?

242
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:57,889
[ Sniffs ]
Babe, you smell incredible.

243
00:10:57,924 --> 00:11:01,426
An old man bathed me.
Excuse me?

244
00:11:01,461 --> 00:11:03,561
Mmm.
This sando is on point.

245
00:11:03,597 --> 00:11:06,798
Ho-ho!
Look at this man!

246
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:08,867
Maybe the bonking
is off the table.

247
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:11,703
I am a man!
I got to go tell Bing!

248
00:11:11,704 --> 00:11:15,908
Klaus, did you tell Jeff he
was gonna get cuckolded again?

249
00:11:15,909 --> 00:11:18,543
I just told him a bit
about the history of the term.

250
00:11:18,578 --> 00:11:22,180
Mr. Bing, I think I'm a -
Guns?

251
00:11:22,215 --> 00:11:24,449
These are a good guy's guns,
right?

252
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:27,819
You might want to sit down
a-for this, Jeffrey.

253
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,354
Have-a some tea.

254
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:34,092
The boar has become
a problem.

255
00:11:34,127 --> 00:11:35,894
And when-a there's
a problem,

256
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:38,763
a man doesn't-a stop
until it's a-solved.

257
00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:40,198
Y-You don't mean...

258
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:42,934
I have to shoot the boar.

259
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:44,702
W-What did he do wrong?

260
00:11:44,738 --> 00:11:47,105
Did he do a big fart
like Pumbaa?

261
00:11:47,140 --> 00:11:49,274
He didn't a-fart
like-a Pumbaa.

262
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:52,710
He's eating the grapes
we need for next year's wine.

263
00:11:52,746 --> 00:11:57,015
So he must-a be eliminated and
made into a simple boar rag�.

264
00:11:57,984 --> 00:11:59,484
I'm sorry.
[ Sniffs ]

265
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,820
I guess I'm not a man
after all.

266
00:12:01,855 --> 00:12:03,888
You may not be
a man a-yet,

267
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:06,858
but when you are,
you can-a still cry.

268
00:12:06,893 --> 00:12:09,828
A man can always cry.

269
00:12:09,863 --> 00:12:12,764
I think it's time I show you
that-a locked room

270
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,966
you've been
so obsessed with.

271
00:12:14,967 --> 00:12:17,470
[ Down-tempo music plays ]
Jeffrey, the truth-a is...

272
00:12:17,471 --> 00:12:21,973
I used to be a hit man
for the Bingoni Mafia.

273
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:23,708
You did all these?

274
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:26,177
The hits were problems
I was good at solving.

275
00:12:26,213 --> 00:12:28,780
I was so good, they had-a me
change my first name

276
00:12:28,815 --> 00:12:31,282
to Bingoni -
Bing for short.

277
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:33,184
My last name is-a Goon,

278
00:12:33,220 --> 00:12:36,955
so I'm Bingoni Goon
and a Bingoni goon.

279
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:40,825
And before-a my family name
got-a shortened at Ellis Island,

280
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:44,562
it was Bingonigoon, which,
believe it or not, in English,

281
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:47,132
means "Bingoni goon."

282
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:49,801
You murdered people!
I did.

283
00:12:49,836 --> 00:12:55,206
But when my last hit got away,
I left the Mafia in shame.

284
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:57,709
They could've made you sleep
with a fish!

285
00:12:57,744 --> 00:13:00,111
But that part of my life
is-a over.

286
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:02,714
Especially since-a you
came along.

287
00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:05,917
When I met you,
I was stuck behind a toilet.

288
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:09,387
Now I feel like I could throw
a toilet at the moon!

289
00:13:10,657 --> 00:13:12,457
Hey, that's Mr. Tuttle!

290
00:13:12,492 --> 00:13:14,792
You know this man?

291
00:13:14,793 --> 00:13:16,795
He lives just across the woods
from you.

292
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,698
I cut through his yard.
Mr. Tuttle loves his yard.

293
00:13:20,734 --> 00:13:21,784
Look!

294
00:13:23,503 --> 00:13:25,270
Yeah.
He didn't disappear.

295
00:13:25,305 --> 00:13:28,173
He's just in the witness
protection program.

296
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:30,375
What?
He told you this?

297
00:13:30,410 --> 00:13:32,377
A man hears things.

298
00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,880
Jeffrey, would you like-a
to kill-a the boar?

299
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:38,249
No, no. I couldn't.
Not Pumbaa!

300
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:40,919
Too pure
to kill-a Pumbaa.

301
00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:42,153
Now go.

302
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:43,956
I'll call you when the wine
is a-ready.

303
00:13:43,957 --> 00:13:45,623
And here.
Take-a this.

304
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,227
I knew it!
You were a crooner!

305
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:53,064
I'm a-not a crooner.
That's Bay Area-style rap.

306
00:13:53,065 --> 00:13:56,869
And if you need more space,
there's a hollow log out back

307
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,737
you can make into an ABU -
additional bang unit.

308
00:13:59,773 --> 00:14:02,874
How much are you asking,
Roger? Nothing.

309
00:14:02,875 --> 00:14:05,344
Do you provide
the sex partner? It's not a brothel.

310
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:06,979
Would you negotiate
on the price?

311
00:14:06,980 --> 00:14:09,814
It's free, damn it!
Please just go have sex!

312
00:14:09,815 --> 00:14:12,017
I've sunk too much time
and money into this!

313
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,085
No, thank you.
Not for me.

314
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:14,136
No.

315
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:17,055
[ Birds chirping ]

316
00:14:17,991 --> 00:14:20,692
Hog poison?
Weird.

317
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:23,628
Mr. Bing said he was gonna shoot
the boar.

318
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:26,331
Come in!
The wine is a-ready.

319
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,865
Ta-da!

320
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,651
I thought we'd bottle it
together.

321
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:31,536
Ah, bottling is overrated.

322
00:14:31,571 --> 00:14:33,071
It is?
By who?

323
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,572
The bottlers.

324
00:14:34,608 --> 00:14:37,775
Hey, Mr. Bing,
you shot the boar, right?

325
00:14:37,811 --> 00:14:41,145
You didn't strangle it
or...poison it?

326
00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:43,081
Of course I shot it.

327
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,583
Oh. Okay.
It's just...

328
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:46,784
I see.

329
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:49,254
Because I killed
a bunch of a-people,

330
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:51,322
you think I'm-a
some psycho.

331
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:54,926
Look. To prove to you I've put
that life a-behind me,

332
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:57,528
I want to reach out-a
to the community,

333
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:58,997
share our wine.

334
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,065
We could go door to door
together!

335
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,968
Ooh. [ Exhales sharply ]
You'll have to deliver it alone.

336
00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,654
My old between-a-the-tub-
and-a-toilet injuries

337
00:15:06,673 --> 00:15:08,106
are acting up again.

338
00:15:08,141 --> 00:15:11,843
Uh, you were just dancing around
like Fred Astaire.

339
00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:15,079
And where's Fred Astaire now?
Dead.

340
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:18,883
Now, a-somewhere here is a
very special bottle for Tuttle.

341
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,252
Mr. Tuttle?
Why Mr. Tuttle?

342
00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:25,390
He might-a be afraid of me on
account of the Mafia connection.

343
00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:28,059
I want to extend
an olive branch.

344
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,527
Is this it?
No!

345
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,329
This one.

346
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:33,464
It's the only
green one.

347
00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:37,669
A nod to his curvaceous,
herbaceous green lawn.

348
00:15:37,704 --> 00:15:41,939
Mr. Bing, you don't want to...
kill Mr. Tuttle, do you?

349
00:15:41,975 --> 00:15:44,842
What? Kill?
I don't kill anymore.

350
00:15:44,878 --> 00:15:46,911
I won't even a-listen
to The Killers.

351
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,147
Except-a
"Mr. Brightside."

352
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:52,817
[ Down-tempo music plays ]

353
00:15:52,852 --> 00:15:55,420
?

354
00:15:55,455 --> 00:15:57,689
Old Jeff:
As I walked to Mr. Tuttle's,

355
00:15:57,724 --> 00:16:00,124
my head was swimming
with thoughts, like,

356
00:16:00,160 --> 00:16:02,327
"Did Bing poison the wine?"

357
00:16:02,362 --> 00:16:05,863
And if I delivered it,
would that make me a murderer?

358
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:09,100
And, "I wish I hadn't gotten
so high this morning."

359
00:16:09,135 --> 00:16:12,470
Then I remembered a few of
Grape Ape's antics and chuckled.

360
00:16:12,505 --> 00:16:14,205
[ Laughs ]

361
00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:18,776
But mostly I was thinking about
whether the wine was poisoned.

362
00:16:21,364 --> 00:16:22,934
Hold those glasses up,
up, up!

363
00:16:22,966 --> 00:16:24,599
We're nearly
at the end!

364
00:16:24,634 --> 00:16:27,669
I returned to my mentor after
taking the wine to Tuttle's.

365
00:16:27,704 --> 00:16:31,439
Old Jeff: I had made the most
difficult decision of my life.

366
00:16:31,474 --> 00:16:34,542
Geez, Jeffrey.
You've gone as pale as a sheet.

367
00:16:34,577 --> 00:16:37,912
Did you see something in
that bang shed that spooked you?

368
00:16:37,947 --> 00:16:40,515
There's never anything
going on in the bang shed.

369
00:16:40,550 --> 00:16:43,618
I feel-a sorry
for that weird a-little man.

370
00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:45,687
He's been working
his tail off.

371
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:50,024
Oh. He sees me.
He's beckoning me over.

372
00:16:50,060 --> 00:16:52,226
No, thank-a you!

373
00:16:52,262 --> 00:16:55,530
He's making a-kissy faces.
Okay.

374
00:16:55,565 --> 00:16:59,167
He's a-swallowing a whole
a-banana, humping-a the air.

375
00:16:59,202 --> 00:17:01,836
He's really throwing
the kitchen sink at me here.

376
00:17:01,871 --> 00:17:05,139
Wow. Now he's a-rolling out
a vibrating saddle.

377
00:17:05,175 --> 00:17:07,508
What would he even
a-plug that into?

378
00:17:07,544 --> 00:17:10,111
Oh!
He's a-showing me the generator.

379
00:17:10,146 --> 00:17:11,446
[ Engine starts ]

380
00:17:11,481 --> 00:17:13,915
Lot of smoke a-coming out
of that thing.

381
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:17,051
[ Engine sputters, stops ]
Out of gas.

382
00:17:17,087 --> 00:17:19,153
And a-now he's a-crying.

383
00:17:19,189 --> 00:17:20,755
Jeff:
Let's have some tea.

384
00:17:23,893 --> 00:17:27,428
[ Slurps ]
So, how did it go with Tuttle?

385
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:28,696
[ Slurps ]

386
00:17:28,732 --> 00:17:31,332
He was happy to see me,
a trusted friend.

387
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:34,068
Oh, wonderful.
And-a the wine?

388
00:17:34,104 --> 00:17:37,238
Was he happy to see
the trusted wine?

389
00:17:37,273 --> 00:17:40,374
Mr. Bing...
did you poison Tuttle's wine?

390
00:17:40,410 --> 00:17:43,377
[ Gasps ] Poison Tuttle?
Of course-a not!

391
00:17:43,413 --> 00:17:47,048
I would no sooner poison Tuttle
than use that creepy man's shed.

392
00:17:47,083 --> 00:17:49,484
Roger: I heard that
through my binoculars!

393
00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:52,019
[ Engine starts ]
Ooh! I'm happy again -

394
00:17:52,055 --> 00:17:53,488
Jeff, believe me.

395
00:17:53,523 --> 00:17:56,491
I did-a not a-poison
Tuttle's wine.

396
00:17:56,526 --> 00:17:58,359
[ Sighs ]
That's a relief.

397
00:17:58,394 --> 00:18:01,763
Hey. Let's-a finally open
some of our wine.

398
00:18:01,798 --> 00:18:03,364
I want to taste it.

399
00:18:03,399 --> 00:18:04,732
You already are!

400
00:18:04,768 --> 00:18:06,901
I put some of Tuttle's wine
in your tea

401
00:18:06,936 --> 00:18:08,636
in case you did
poison it.

402
00:18:08,671 --> 00:18:10,204
Isn't that hilarious?

403
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,141
Why would you do that,
Jeffrey?

404
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:15,409
I knew if you made up
your mind to kill him,

405
00:18:15,445 --> 00:18:16,811
you'd never stop trying.

406
00:18:16,846 --> 00:18:18,179
You said it yourself -

407
00:18:18,214 --> 00:18:20,982
A man doesn't stop
until a problem is solved.

408
00:18:21,017 --> 00:18:22,917
[ Gasping ]
I need-a some air.

409
00:18:22,952 --> 00:18:26,120
Roger: Solo play is health-
y-y-y-y-y-y! [ Engine chugging ]

410
00:18:26,156 --> 00:18:28,422
[ Coughing ]

411
00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:31,292
What's the big deal?
You didn't poison it, right?

412
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,161
I did!
I did a-poison it!

413
00:18:33,196 --> 00:18:35,696
With enough hog poison
to poison every hog

414
00:18:35,732 --> 00:18:38,065
from here
to Poison Hog City.

415
00:18:38,101 --> 00:18:39,467
I'm-a gonna die!

416
00:18:39,502 --> 00:18:41,469
What?! Oh, God!
What have I done?!

417
00:18:41,504 --> 00:18:42,870
You saw a problem,

418
00:18:42,906 --> 00:18:45,239
and you didn't-a stop
until you solved it.

419
00:18:45,275 --> 00:18:47,008
You know what that
makes a-you?

420
00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,093
A man.

421
00:18:49,779 --> 00:18:52,613
And since you're a man,
I don't have to feel-a bad...

422
00:18:52,649 --> 00:18:54,415
about killing you.
[ Gun clicks ]

423
00:18:54,450 --> 00:18:55,950
Sorry, Bing.

424
00:18:55,951 --> 00:18:58,353
I took out all the bullets
from your secret guns.

425
00:18:58,354 --> 00:18:59,887
I'm-a so proud of you.

426
00:18:59,923 --> 00:19:02,156
But I bet you didn't find-a
the one in my sock.

427
00:19:02,157 --> 00:19:03,725
[ Gun clicks ]
I got that one too.

428
00:19:03,726 --> 00:19:05,560
You get the one
in the freezer?

429
00:19:05,595 --> 00:19:06,928
[ Gun clicks ]
Yep.

430
00:19:06,963 --> 00:19:08,029
Cereal box?
Yep.

431
00:19:08,064 --> 00:19:09,163
Microwave?
Yep.

432
00:19:09,164 --> 00:19:10,465
Inside the
hollowed-out loaf

433
00:19:10,466 --> 00:19:11,800
of rustic
ciabatta bread? Yep.

434
00:19:11,801 --> 00:19:13,701
The gun
behind the toilet?

435
00:19:13,736 --> 00:19:16,771
[ Dramatic music plays ]

436
00:19:16,772 --> 00:19:18,941
Why did you have to send me
to kill Tuttle?!

437
00:19:18,942 --> 00:19:20,174
[ Grunts ]

438
00:19:20,210 --> 00:19:22,743
Because a-nobody
would ever suspect a man

439
00:19:22,779 --> 00:19:24,779
of using a boy
to kill a man!

440
00:19:24,814 --> 00:19:27,014
[ Gagging ]
 I suspected it!

441
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:28,816
Can't you throw up
the poison?!

442
00:19:28,817 --> 00:19:29,952
[ Crunching ]
[ Screams ]

443
00:19:29,953 --> 00:19:32,353
I win!
I'm a-gonna get the gun - Aah!

444
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,455
Ah!
I'm-a stuck.

445
00:19:34,490 --> 00:19:36,891
Full circle, huh,
Jeffrey?

446
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,660
If I pull you out,
will you still try to kill me?

447
00:19:39,696 --> 00:19:40,995
Yes.

448
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,564
Then I have to leave you
trapped here, Bing.

449
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,801
[ Voice breaking ]
Exactly what a man would do!

450
00:19:46,836 --> 00:19:49,570
Go, my beautiful man!
Go!

451
00:19:49,606 --> 00:19:51,539
[ Sobbing ]

452
00:19:51,574 --> 00:19:54,642
Babe! I've been looking
all over for you!

453
00:19:54,677 --> 00:19:56,911
I'm a man!
[ Sobs ]

454
00:19:56,946 --> 00:19:59,647
Oh, yeah?
Want to show me? [ Harp plays ]

455
00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:03,284
And then I had sex with my wife
in the bang shed.

456
00:20:03,319 --> 00:20:07,054
Wow. Did anyone find
Bing's body?

457
00:20:07,090 --> 00:20:10,992
No. A bunch of wild boars
ran in and ate him alive.

458
00:20:11,027 --> 00:20:12,093
Cheers!

459
00:20:13,064 --> 00:20:15,080
B

460
00:20:15,081 --> 00:20:16,614
[ Down-tempo music plays ]

461
00:20:16,649 --> 00:20:19,050
Can you believe
all those years ago,

462
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:21,218
someone was trying
to kill me?

463
00:20:21,219 --> 00:20:22,754
That was interesting
to you?

464
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:25,456
I was mostly drawn
to the bang-shed parts.

465
00:20:25,491 --> 00:20:27,091
What a challenge
that was.

466
00:20:27,126 --> 00:20:29,560
Sadly, those walls
didn't stand for long.

467
00:20:29,596 --> 00:20:32,730
Demolished later that summer
by an 0.4 earthquake.

468
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,832
Nothing I could do
except go to court.

469
00:20:34,867 --> 00:20:37,835
You might be familiar
with my landmark lawsuit,

470
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:39,637
 General Napoleon
 Bonerparts

471
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:42,373
 vs. The United States
 Geological Survey.

472
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:43,641
It made the papers.

473
00:20:43,676 --> 00:20:46,277
"Creep Laughed Out
of Court."

474
00:20:46,278 --> 00:20:48,480
Oh, that's just the headline.
Keep reading.

475
00:20:48,481 --> 00:20:50,848
It gets worse.
[ Boar squealing ]

476
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:52,516
You better lawyer up,
boar!

477
00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,553
Napoleon Bonerparts
will see you in court!

478
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,488
Bye!
Have a beautiful time!

479
00:20:57,538 --> 00:21:02,088
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